There’s a thousand ideas buzzing about in my head for this and a million ways to go about em.
This blog shall document the innumerable and sometimes intolerably random thoughts that perpetually whizz about in this crap spewing machine I call my brain.
Kudos to you for finding this.
Hope you have a good time reading!
I used to love the night when I was a kid. Utter silence and the comfort of knowing that I can do anything without the slightest fear of reprisal or judgement.
But trust me, that got old really fast once I got into uni.
I need sleep!
I’ve already sacrificed my mental well-being, a somewhat thriving social life and my perpetual and everlasting love for the elixir that is coffee on the altar of the fickle mistress of Sleep, yet here I lie, wide awake, staring at my walls.
Then there’s the people who rub in my misery by telling me how great their nap was or how they slept as soon as they jumped onto their bed.
They even have the nerve to tell me that I look tired, bleary-eyed and sometimes downright homicidal as I nurse my cup of coffee.
I feel like grabbing them by their collars, looking them straight into their wide open, and to my amusement, slightly fearful eyes and saying,” Listen here, you fucker. You don’t know how lucky you are. You don’t know how many times I have to wriggle, shift and pray to get a teeny bit of sleep. So. Don’t. Make. Me. Hurt. You.”
And then softly adding,” Teach me, senpai.”
I completely despise myself as a person, but one of the very few traits that I pride myself on is my ability to hold myself back before jumping into anything.
It’s been a great advantage for me when it comes to the matters of the heart, since I’ve seen so many broken ones amongst my friends and loved ones.
Seeing them sad and pining for love taught me one thing.
To love myself before I gathered up the courage to try and love anyone else.
To love myself enough to have the ability to despise myself for the things I know I should hate, and be okay with myself.
Love the little things about myself like my ability to hold myself back and not jump into things. (Deja Vu, amirite?)
Love myself enough that I don’t need anyone else to, before opening myself up to all the possibilities that relationships bring.
Being single has its perks too.
One of them is to discover just how independent one can be when they have to.
To discover the things about yourself to be proud of.
To discover the things about yourself that you shouldn’t be proud of.
Because you, my friend, are someone worth discovering.
Hope all you people , whether single or in a relationship (and all those for whom ‘it’s complicated’, because love is the most complex simple thing ever) have a great day today!
I fall back into a sea of blackness
My fingers sifting through a thousand strands,
A thousand memories , a thousand thoughts
And millions of things unsaid.
As I weave through the being that I am,
A paper heart ,as likely to bleed ink
As it is to burn.
A mind verging perpetually on collapse,
A million thoughts ,that intertwine,
Into a thousand strands that my fingers run through.
Veins pumping mercury,
Pumping dreams ,
Which my heart bleeds
Into a world where they might glow
Or poison the paper that makes them,
Just as I bleed silver and black ,
Onto the strands which I grip
Which bore into me as needles do
And I bleed onto them.
The darkness that permeates from my soul
Feels lighter from a mercurial heart,
Fists ,tired of bleeding onto themselves,
Pull out the strands
That bind them so.
The sea holds me no more
And I open my eyes again.